adam+M+hobbit+response

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Adam McDonagh #11 7-6 Reading 3/12/10

?? Why never to try to pickpocket trolls??


 * If you were out in the woods, and you came across some trolls, would you try to pickpocket them? From what I read in The Hobbit, I wouldn’t even so much as get in 60 miles of them! After all, no one wants to become an ingredient in a tasty stew!**

Unfortunately, Bilbo Baggins and Co. learned //trolls are not to be taken advantage of easily// the hard way. It all started on a wet and dreary day, when they were all both ravenous and soaked thoroughly due to pounding rain and low rations. Some of the adventurers were wishing they never went on this endeavor. But, when their morale was at the lowest point, they say a red glimmering light, way out in the distance. To the throng, it was like an angel, leading them to food, comfort, and most of all, warmth. Since everyone was scared that it might be a trap, they all sentenced Bilbo to risk his life to see what the light was. Bilbo wasn’t at all pleased.

When Bilbo got there, He discovered that the light was a fire made by some trolls to cook mutton **off of.** Unfortunately, The trolls were there as well. Now, at this point, Bilbo could have sneaked away quietly and come back to the dwarfs fruitless, or he could attempt to snag some mutton and risk getting eaten by the trolls. Bilbo chose to do the ladder. Unfortunately, Bilbo was caught in the act and captured by them. Then, to make matters worse, while the trolls were pondering weather to eat him or not, the dwarfs came to try to rescue their little friend. The trolls sat quietly in the shadows, while one by one each dwarf was captured, bagged, and stacked in a little row. Now they were all going to be eaten. But, just when all hope was lost, Gandalf, from the shadows, made the trolls argue against each other until morning came, and the trolls turned into stone. This was because if trolls ever get into contact with sunlight, they turn to stone. That was pretty convenient for Bilbo and Co.!

Well, thanks to Gandalf, Bilbo wasn't turned into beef stew. **But, if Gandalf never came, it wouldn't be the same at all! So, here's the lesson; almost never take an unessesary or a suisidal bet unless it needs to be taken. For example, even though his actions almost killed himself, he needed to do this in order to get necesary rations, witch made it reasonable. But, I would never want to go face to face with a big, odious, volgar troll!**

This was a good conflict! There were so many to choose from, and I am so happy you chose this one. (I have enough about the troupe being stuck in the trees!) Good job setting the scene. I am going to bold a few suggestions above that would make your response even stronger if you omitted them, and italicize a few you might insert. Take a look and see what you think. As usual, you have a WONDERFUL voice in this piece. (I am assuming you forgot to edit your title to a final choice.) Compare the two versions. Remember: read it WITHOUT the bold text, and insert the italic text. How do you think it sounds now? Mrs. Best