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Sixth Grade language arts page Problem-Solution Essay School Play Test

Renata Olavarrieta La English

PAYING ATTENTION

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Focusing goes back to paying attention. Listing to your teacher will be a good thing to do. Even if your friends are telling you to make funny noises or being distracted just ignored them and talk to them at the end of class.Another thing that comes back with paying attention is daydreaming. (This sentence is a good transition and should really begin the next paragraph.) =====

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Daydreaming is the ones of the worse things about paying attention because you would of never pay attention and __you wouldn't__ listen to your teacher. If I would pay more attention I would have better grades and getting my homework better. (Do not use "you'.) =====

I had many ideas but my favorite is ignored your friends till the class is over. Or put boy and girl for them the girls or boys not to talk. (???)
I wish you would follow your own advice, Renata!

Ideas 4 You clearly stated your problem and then listed some solutions, but you need to discuss the solutions more than you did. Organization 5 You followed the organization of the essay well. Word Choice 4 Voice 3 Your ideas need more strength from specific descriptions, figures of speech and possibly even dialogue. Fluency 4 You varied your sentence lengths and your sentence beginnings.

Conventions 2 You have many mistakes in sentence structure, spelling, point of view.
Total points = 22 = C+