Hhof

Sixth Grade language arts page

Problem-Solution Essay

School Play Test

__**Outline for problem solving "Chores"**__ 1. Keep the house clean. Isn't the problem that cleaning up the house is a chore that takes too much of your time? 2. Do them the first time. 3. Do them good (well) so you don't have to do them again. 4. Do them fast so you can do something else.

-To (sp.?) much cleaning. -I don't like cleaning. -I always have to do the hard work. -If you don't clean your house can look awful. (change the you to I)
 * __Reasons why this is a problem.__**

__**Ways to help your problem**__ -Keep your things organized (change the your to my) -Don't take everything out and leave it there.

Introduction 1.Do you have to much chores? Chores are a problem because if you don't clean up your mess right away you will have to do it later and but, you might not want to do it later. (this doesn't define the problem; it just describes an effect of the problem.) If you don't like to clean and your house and it is a mess because of you, when you take something out you should put it away when you are leaving the room (run-on sentence). Having to much chores are a problem.
 * __Prewriting__**

2. The reason why chores are a problem is because you have to clean, and cleaning can be difficult if there is a lot of things every where. It can also be a problem because you might want to go to a friends house but, your mom says you have to clean your room so you can't go. So you sholud remember to pick up you room.

3. The reason why people have so many chores is because they just have their things scattered everywhere. When you are eating a bag of chips say in your family room, when you are done you could just take it back to the kitchen. Instead of having it sit there for 3 days rotting. Then if you do that you could go outside and not clean the inside.

4. Another way people have trouble keeping their thing organized is say that they are playing with their toys and then their mom calls them to dinner, then they forget about their toys laying on the floor. Instead of leaving your stuff on the floor in your room you can say "hold on i'm putting my toy's away. So you don't have to worry about later.

5. The problem I had was having to much chores. Again here are the solution: Put your stuff away right when your done, keep organized, and make sure not to mess everything up and leave it there. If I kept doing these solutions I won't have a problem with chores anymore. Also I would be able to go to my firends' house and not clean instead.

You have to write your problem so that is sounds like a problem, Heidi. Your introduction is not very clear. Try to determine what the problem really is and then write it as your problem, not mine. Do not use "you." This essay needs to be finished soon!

4/22/12 Final Grade //**Ideas 2**// Your idea is not explained clearly. From your discussion of the solutions, it sounded like the problem was not doing chores in a timely manner. //**Organization 4**// It is clear you are following the five-paragaph structure, but the transitions between your thoughts is not always there. //**Word choice 3**// The word you wanted to use was "many" not "much". Be careful that you don't use more words than you need to explain your idea like you did in the first paragraph. Try not to write long sentences that keep going and going. Use a period rather than the word "so." **//Voice 3//** Your topic would lend itself to some very specific descriptions and figures of speech that could have improved the voice in your essay. //**Fluency 4**// You have a variety of sentence length and beginnings. //**Conventions 2**// Write in first or third person, not second (you). Also be careful of your sentence structure. Use commas after phrases.

Total points = D+