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Sixth Grade language arts page Problem-Solution Essay Aaron's Gift Test

__**When a Bully Hits your Friend**__
- the bully pushes your friend down at reccess and spits on him and runs away - a solution could be to tell a trusted adult and talk to the bully but if it doesn't stop then tell your principle ot teacher - another solution would be to talk to the bully and tell him to stop

What do your get when you have people bullying others? A big problem. The situation at our school is that we have this big mean bully names Jack Strawgun. He pushes all of us Lumen Christi little kids into our lockers. Here's the problem children are too afraid to go into the lockers to get get their school supplies. I am sick of all this drama, and people getting hurt! For example a fourth grader same Christina Bond was sticking up for her best friend James Pickledog. This is a problem and we NEED to do something about it.

I think a solution to this problem would be to suspend the bully. Let him know his consequences so that he will no what could happen to him if he keeps it up. Some kids have been talking about this for a long time. It will help our school become closer and safer! But don't tell Jack that I told or he will come after me (and I am also terrified of him).

This is happening to about all the kids seventh grade or younger. He steals our lunch money and slaps us in the face when we refuse to give it to him. The only students he is afraid of is the gang "You can't hurt me" ( I don't know why they named themselves it) because they are the big 8th grade football boys. He has been doing this ever since 5th grade when he came here from the school, that he got expelled from, Steffen. He thinks that we don't have feelings and that we have no life, but he is WRONG!!! School has been miserable for everyone (I'm not even kidding)

I don't know if i should tell my parents because they will get VERY involved and i don't want that to happen. So i think i am just going to tell the principal because I trust her. I spoke to Jack and asked him to stop or I should the principle, but he'll just laughed at me and tell me he didn't care. So i am not going to lie and I'm going to tell. Ha take that Strawgun. I bet our principal Mrs. Cactiss get him suspended or even better EXPELLED!!

Bulling is not a small problem, it will just get bigger every day! This paper I am writing is probably really messed up so I am just going to some up what i want to say. I don't want to talk to him (because by the way he gave me a back eye. OUCH!!!) so i will ask our principal to but please tell Jack to lay off and pick on someone his own size. I am so sick of him, and I am willing to do something now! What I am saying is I want our principle Jachhan to talk to the big bully and tell him to stop other wise I would be perfectly fine with him getting expelled.

Be careful that you don't keep repeating the same thing over and over. Also, you have a several technical problems. I underlined some of them. You should not use numerals for the names of grades; write out the word. The biggest problem you have in your essay is a lack of direction in what you are writing. It sounds like just a stream of ideas that you have written down as you thought of them. You created a little outline at the the top of your essay. If you follow that, your essay will be much better organized and will make sense. Keep working on this!

4/22/12 Final Grade Ideas 3- Your idea was not clearly state at the end of the first paragraph, but it did start the conclusion. Throughout your essay, the solutions were expressed in phrases that were interrupted by your commentary making it sound confused. Organiztion - 3 This was a big problem. Try to stick to your outline and follow it in your writing. Word Choice - 3 Try to use other words to say the same thing. Voice - 4 Your writing sounds like you are a frustrated student. Fluency 4 Conventions 3 Some problems with capitalization, spelling, agreement. Total points = C