Kmac

Sixth Grade language arts page Problem-Solution Essay __**Tests:**__ School Play Test
 * __Language Arts Page; Mrs. Spitz Section 2__**
 * __Homework:__**

Outline for Problem-Solution Essay

1.Here's the problem. I keep missing the bus. 2. We never make the bus. 3.We move faster. 4. We wake up earlier. Eat a smaller breakfast. Pack up your lunch the night before. 5. I was able to get to school on time without being late.

First Paragraph "Introduction"

Every Monday through Friday morning my mom is yelling at me to wake up even when I went to sleep at 10:00 P.M. and still can't get wake up. By 7:30 A.M. my mom is screaming her head off to get my brothers and I out of bed but my brother is still sound asleep. Finally I get out of bed and I still have to get dressed, brush my teeth, and eat breakfast before the bus comes. When I am down stairs eating breakfast I hear a rumble coming from outside and theirs the bus driving right by our house we all sprint outside but its to late its already past. So our mom tells us to get in the car she has to drive us. when we get I the car she starts screaming at us it was a miserable ride to school. The problem is that I always miss the bus in the morning. (Use punctuation to make your meaning clear. You also can break up some of the long sentences into two shorter sentences. Also check the spelling of several words in this paragraph.)

Second Paragraph "I can't get up in the morning"

One Solution is I could get up earlier in the the morning like 6:30 in the morning so I have time to get up, eat breakfast, and make my bed. So I told my mom to wake me up at 6:30 in the morning. I could just move a lot faster so I do not have to wake up earlier because then I am tired at school and then I get bad grades. Then my mom get mad at me; then I am miserable at school an then I don't do good at school then I feel embarrassed to get the bad grade I don't think I am supposed to get. (Try breaking your thoughts into more, shorter sentences.)

Third Paragraph " Make lunch in the morning"

A second solution is that I can make my lunch in the morning. My mom make me and my brothers make our lunches in the morning instead of at night. So I could ask my mom if I could pack up my lunch at night and she said "yes" I was so excited. Then I was so happy because I was able to get all the good foods and snacks. Every morning instead of night my mom make me pack up my snacks for lunch so I don't have only a sandwhich and chocolate milk for lunch. (Explain this.) Are you saying that you could make your lunch at night and get all the goodies?

Fourth Paragraph "Alarm Clock"

A third solution is that I could get an Alarm Clock that can wake me up with my favorite music. So then I am able to get used to it and I will get up in two minutes, not 10 minutes. My mom will not get mad so then I will get good grades. I will not be embarrassed to get the grade I don't think I deserve. (Again, break up your sentences into shorter ones.)

Fifth Paragraph "Conclusion" (Begin the conclusion by repeating the problem.) The problem is that I can wake up in the morning unless my mom is screaming at me to wake up and get down stairs. Think the best solution is to get an Alarm Clock to be able to get up. That is the best solution for a way to get up in the morning. Then I will be able to get up, eat breakfast, and get to school on time without my mom yelling at me.

Keep working on this, Kevin. You have some good ideas, but they need to be written more clearly.

4/22/12 Final Grade

Ideas 3 Your idea are often confusing because of using stringy sentences that are joined by "so then" or "then" Simplify your sentences and you will be forced to write your sentences more clearly. Organization 4 You formatted your essay as a five-paragaph essay should be formatted, but your transitions between sentences needed work. You used a good organizational technique of putting your ideas in sequential order. Word Choice 3 Check out the number of times you used "then". Voice 3 Your essay was just screaming for dialogue. It would have added lots more voice. Fluency 3 Not much variation in the length of your sentences Conventions 3 Missing many commas. Spelling errors. Capital letters

total points = 19 = C-